Why I walked away from becoming an MD – And what I learned when I did

I'm a scientist by training. In my undergrad, I studied physiology, molecular cell biology, and organic chemistry. I worked my ass off during those years and my grades were proof. On my diploma are the words Magna Cum Laude - “With Great Honor.”

Why did I do all that? All those sleepless nights, all that stress, all those friendships withered. Well, I did it because I wanted to be a doctor. That's what you have to do if you want to go to medical school – you have to be willing to work harder than everyone else. Because medical school is extremely competitive. Even my Magna Cum Laude designation wouldn't be enough to guarantee me a spot.

Being smart isn't what gets you into medical school. Yea, you have to be wicked smart, but that's not what seals the deal. I knew so many intelligent, talented, dedicated people and we all knew that only a handful of us who applied would actually get accepted. We were literally making ourselves sick. And the craziest part? Becoming a doctor has nothing to do with whether or not you actually care about helping people. Your empathy quotient does not play a role in the admission board's consideration of your application.

It really comes down to this: How much of your life are you willing to give up?

A lot of people are smart. A lot of people work hard. Of those hard-working smart people, the ones who get into medical school are the ones who were willing to give up the most. The ones who got the least amount of sleep. The ones who didn't make time for nurturing friendships. The ones who barely saw their families. And being the one who's the most overwhelmed came with a sense of pride, like it's a badge of honor.

After years of grinding work, of watching myself and my classmates put school above everything else in our lives, I realized something – it was never going to stop. Once I get into an MD program, things aren't going to get any better. I'll be in classes that are even MORE demanding, even MORE competitive. Only the best MD students get the residency of their choice, and only the best residents get the job they really want. And even then, once you've “made it,” you're thrust into a system that requires you to see 4 patients per hour, if not more, all of whom you only know by their date of birth and diagnosis.

It was never going to stop.

Some people like this sort of thing. They thrive in these types of environments. They enjoy the go-go-go pace. They like the competition. They love being seen as the authority figure. They like wearing the white coat so everyone knows who's at the top of the food chain.

But not me.

I still wanted to be a health care provider. I wanted to help people. But I also knew the reality of this path was definitely NOT what I wanted.

I didn't want to rely on pharmaceuticals so heavily that I was basically a legally sanctioned drug peddler. I didn't want someone at an insurance company who doesn't have a medical license telling me, the licensed medical provider, how to treat my patients. I didn't want someone else greeting my client, getting their vitals, taking their health history, just so I can walk in for 3 minutes right at the end.

I didn't want to see 4 people an hour. I didn't want their diagnosis to be their identity. And I didn't want to give up everything else in my life for this reality.

So I defected.

I started taking classes in reflexology and tai chi. I studied kung fu and Chinese sword fighting. I read books like The Web That Has No Weaver and Between Heaven and Earth. I learned about herbs instead of drugs. I focused on lifestyle habits rather than risky quick-fixes. I studied ancient wisdom and holistic care to improve health and prevent disease over the long term.

And I vowed to never think I'm better than someone else because of my degree.

I wanted to be a doctor so I could educate myself and my community about health and wellness. To inspire people to honor themselves, physically and spiritually. To create a safe space where we help each other be a little bit better one day at a time.

I learned a gold nugget life lesson from all of this.

Stop killing yourself over things other people want. Don't be afraid to stray from the well-worn path and dance off into the forest. Follow your heart until you forget who you were conditioned to be. Embrace quiet stillness. Commune with your inner light. Explore the things that make you different from those around you and learn to love every one of them. And when your spirit blooms into the one you were always meant to become, sing the wonders of life with the people who love you for all the unique little things that make you you.