The Best Thing You Can Do For Someone Who Is Dying

When a person receives a terminal diagnosis, they are suddenly faced with their own mortality. They may have to continue going about their life in many ways, such as cooking meals, doing laundry, going to the store, and brushing their teeth. But now they do these things knowing that their time is coming to a close. This mortal reality is something they will never be able to turn away from.

Modern tools have enabled humans to live longer, healthier lives which has led to a medical philosophy that life should be prolonged at all costs. Many people, including healthcare providers, have difficulty discussing death. It is of paramount importance to remember that death is not a medical failure. Death exists because the miracle of life exists. Mortality is something we share with every other living creature, from the tiniest bacterium to the grandest tree. In order to help someone who is dying and those around them who are grieving, we must be able to accept our own mortality. We have all been given the opportunity of life and one day we will all say goodnight.

The greatest act of compassion we can give to someone who is dying is to remain in the present moment with them. Many people they talk to will avoid the discomfort of this reality, held back by fear or shame, but not us. We are going to hold that moment with them because that is the best thing we can do for them. Do not look away. They are facing mortality, and you will face it with them.

“It helps to approach each person, each situation, with a sense of openness, a mind of not knowing. Often this is difficult; we mistakenly think that our practical caregiving skills are all we have to give. Yet our presence born of openness is really the greatest offering we can make.”
- Being With Dying, by Joan Halifax